I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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