how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize