My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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