I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
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I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
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Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?