My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem