My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.