Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.