Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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