Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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