its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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