Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
