great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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