and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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