if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She announced her abortion via fbk
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
