i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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