Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
