peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize