it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
