I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i think im in europe. pls send help
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
