question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Randomize
