why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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