1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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