Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
