At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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