now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
