She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
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he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
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NoShamevember. You game?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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