Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
These tits shall not be calmed
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
