I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Did you just see the Batmobile???
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
