Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
love makes seman taste better
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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