I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
