guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize