I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize