remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
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