We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
