If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
