Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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