There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
should my penis look like a turkey
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
