I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
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She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
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Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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