HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
