then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
