ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
