don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
