dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
