Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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