I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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