I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
