I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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