just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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