Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
