I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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