What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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