god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
