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last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
