it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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