I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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