thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
and she was petting her beer can
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
