Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
