I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
