Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
