textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
