My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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