i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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