i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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